2 December 2013


It's a very grey, drizzly day today - and it's Monday... *sigh*

I write this with lots of emotions swirling...

Concern for our daughter who starts her GCSE mocks today - she's very bright, but struggles with the exam environment.

Low-level panic - how can Christmas be just over 3 weeks away?? I've done nothing to prepare - no presents, no cards...

Sadness for the families who have lost loved ones in the freak accident in Glasgow over the weekend.

And full-on anxiety for today's events...

I'm going to be a human guinea pig to help out my physiotherapist, who's teaching a course at the hospital. She's asked me to demonstrate how I walk - firstly, without any aids, then with my leg splint on, then with my FES fitted...

I know I want to help, and I'm sure it'll be fine when I get there, but since the stroke, I really struggle with any new situation and meeting new people. And the more anxious I get, the higher the tone in my muscles, and the more unsteady I become *sigh*

In this state, I drew today's card...

... aahhh!

I guess, I'm going to draw a deep, deep, deep breath... and get on with it...

As Mark Twain said,
Courage is resistance to fear,
mastery of fear, not absence of fear.


  1. Aw I'm sorry you're having a tough day!

    But listen. The hospital visit? Remember, you're not on trial here. Nobody will be judging you. They'll be grateful you turned up to help. And the more you force yourself to do these things, put yourself out there, the more easy they will become. And bear in mind, the hospital visit isn't about YOU, it's about you helping someone to help others. It is ALL good, honestly! Yes, it will be hard for you but you'll come home with a really good feeling cause you'll have done something to help and you'll have faced up to a fear.

    Your daughter... She will possibly gain valuable experience from the mock exams which will help in the real thing. Keeping my fingers crossed for her!

    Christmas... LISTS! Just start somewhere and it will snowball - getting the first thing done on the list will give you momentum and before you know it, you'll be all done :-D

    Glasgow. I know. Simply ghastly. It truly is. I use news like that to have a moment of gratitude... These poor people, it's just hideous isn't it?

    1. Thank you so much, Donna, this was so helpful!
      Daughter did ok with her first exams - returned home more calm than when she left!
      The physio stuff went ok, I think... I talked too much (which I do when I'm nervous), but I think it was helpful...
      Made an xmas list, and ordered a few things online - so it's a start, right???

  2. I am feeling the anxiety with you over Christmas fast approaching! I feel a bit gaspy every time I think of it. Your willingness to help out your physio is great and being nervous is natural - I would too - and yes, I'd talk too much too! Someone once defined courage to me as "feeling the fear, and doing it anyway." Someone will benefit from your courage and that is wonderful!


Thank you for taking the time to comment - I really appreciate it!
It's good to know I'm not alone :)